Letstoriesunfold ™

   Having friends is great, having stupid friends is better  having diabolical friends? even crazier.                Today I will beat for you hekaya of one of my many bad choices. So Kenya Prisons training takes nine months and there is a mid training visiting and the final graduation known as pass out where the prezo or their mkubwa comes to make lies for promises.  I have a friend called Daudi, who has a girlfriend called Abby, she was the one graduating. Abby has a best friend, Salma, Daudi has a cousin, Daniel, then kuna yours truly. Abby invited Daudi, and Salma. Daudi goes ahead and invites yours truly and Dan. We contacted and met Daudi in tao. We are to meet Salma since hatujuani twende pamoja. My main role in this visit was to prevent the boy from throwing himself in the road and connect to Sayuni, that is if apate serekali imebadilishwa, if you get what I mean. Also to suggest good poisons(liquor), in case things get...

  You know those times unasikia ni kama unachizi? Umepanga vitu zako vizuri, from A-Z then everything decides to go tits up kama mende imededi? So recently I was in such a bubble, naona tu Dim.  Nikasema sitachizi niliona, wacha I go see my hombre, Tommie, pale Kach. It's very peaceful place btw. After the first day, we are beating stories after kumaliza shughuli mbili tatu, nothing major, just enough to feel productive without actually being productive.  Out of nowhere, Tommie leans in like he’s about to reveal state secrets. “Btw nilikuwa na mpango na fulani na yule jirani  nilikuwa nataka tupangane.  Si tufike hivyo?” We pull up to Jirani's compound, and the first thing we see? Two cocks. Full chest out. Feathers flying. Pride on the line. These roosters were not playing. This wasn’t a disagreement, this was generational beef. You could tell one of them had been waiting for this moment since childhood. Jamaa sees us and instead of greeting like a normal human...

                 It was one of those days, there I was chilling after some hectic shughuli, just trying to catch my breath, nangoja mat ijae itoke stage nifike mtaa. I spot this girl amekaa kando yangu holding a water bottle, and it was like ¾ full. I was feeling a little thirsty, ok, maybe more than a little.  I say hi to her, Namsho design jua imenikaranga kama mimi ni kitunguu, na venye naskia ulimi imekauka, wacha tu. Si mnaelewa hii joto imekuwa recently? I go ahead and ask her if she would mind giving me a sip of her water?  It seems to me like she doesn't mind my request, because she passes her water bottle over to me. I'm like, I can finally quench my thirst. I take one big sip, and immediately regret it… aiyo!  My tongue is like sandpaper. Naenda kutema, naona kanjo ndio huyo, ananingoja niteme tu hivi, ashuke, na ashine na mimi proper! Inabidi tu nimemeza shingo upande. Ikiteremka naskia ni kama my throat is hosting ...

Let's rewind to 1:00 PM when she had texted:   “Souley,  go to this place in Ngara,  ask for a guy called Musyoka.  He has the samples.  Just call me when you get there,  I’ll guide you.” Simple, right?  Now it’s 2:44. I’m here. I’ve found Musyoka. He’s chewing miraa, eyeing me like I’m slowing down his evening high.   “Oyaa,  niko na samples.  Si useme venye madam alisema.  Ni hizi ama zile?” I freeze. I don’t know. I was told to wait for her instructions. I try to call her again. Mteja. I text. Double tick. No blue. I even WhatsApp call her, desperate moves, you know? Musyoka is now shifting his weight like a man about to disappear. I try calling her again, muttering under my breath,  “This woman will be the end of me.” Then the rain starts. Nairobi rain doesn’t fall, it attacks. Boda guys scatter, hawkers scramble to save their goods, and I’m there, hunched under a mabati shade, holding a phone that won't ring, wit...

                               There I was, doing wahenga proud, you know when they say atafutaye hachoki? I'm there looking for clients to deliver quality, and get paid. So I spot a gig, while I'm looking at the brief, I realize there’s no way I could show up and execute it. I don't bite what I can't chew, so me being me, I decided to hand the gig over to Prof.  Not to seem like I'm gassing him up, but Prof si mtu wa mchezo. legendary guy. Kazi safi, anajua mambo, alafu ni mtu wa heshima. So I link him up with the client for the gig, then quickly texted him,  “kaka,  kuna shughuli hapa nimekuplug.” An hour later, Prof replies with a long ass text. You know it's real when someone types a text yenye kidogo inakaa manuscript ya kupeleka publishing. He goes: “Vipi bazu. Thanks man.   2 months ago, Lorry yangu ililima gari ya wenyewe  Nikakimbizwa sana since insurance ilikua kachap...

Continued from   Take me back              Just like that, my brain replays that crazy and wild night, back then before love ilinionesha shege kweli  kweli, nilikuwa na my then gal (Some how I'd forgotten all about her) , my Boyz and their women at a a certain club along Kiambu road, sikumbuki ni gani.  A couple of guys clearly drunk had bumped into my gal and her group while she was coming from the washrooms accompanied by her group (my Boyz women's). ( To this very day, I have never grasped why women go to the washrooms in groups),  After being told to watch where they are going by my gal, this guys, instead of apologizing, they became arrogant. They started raining vulgar insults on my gal and her group (my Boyz women's).  Mimi niko somewhere just sipping my drinks while observing the fruckus. I locked eyes with my gal at some point during my observation, saw all the balancing tears that were threatening to spill from her ey...

              A couple of months back, nilikuwa nimeenda place fulani shughuli na one of my boyz, Tommy, tulikuwa Whistling Moran I think. Tulifika mapema, tumetulia tunangoja tu clients wafike. I always arrive early for business, a skill I unknowingly picked up from my old man. Tommy alikuwa anataka kushika one or two beers to kill time before clients wafike, lakini nikamsho zii, business first, atashika a couple of beers after tumemalizana na clients.  Tulikuwa tunataka tu kufine tune some details kwa contract fulani tulipata ya kuweka some serious coins in our pockets with the clients ndio tusichomeke. After they arrive, tunaanza kuiron out some details with the clients, it takes a while, going back and forth, and right before I reach my breaking point to snap and maybe flip the table on them like I have see it done in the movies, the clients compromises, and agree to some of the changes we want in the contract.  Satisfied, we bid the clie...

             It started subtly but lately, I have been finding myself being suddenly awake at strange hours. Sometimes it may be 1:17 am, 2:43 a.m, 3:11 a.m, or even 3:57 a.m, nothing consistent.   Not because of bad dreams or the usual midnight thirst, sometimes ni ile kuamka kuenda washroom to relieve yourself, ama venye msee huturn ndio akuwe more comfortable, na feel niko observed na presence of something or someone, ilikuwa ina feel something ancient and patient had been watching me.    At first, it was innocent. I had woken up to go pee, then I felt it. Then came the second, third, and fourth night, unajipata you are awake, funny thing hata hauamki to go pee. Uko hapo kwa kitanda staring at darkness, unashangaa rada ni gani, mbona usingizi imepotea impromptu, then you feel that same presence wrap itself around the air like fog, invisible, but undeniable.    Unajaribu kufukuza uwoga, but after sometime inabidi umewasha lig...

  Lemme tell y'all something I discovered, fixing shit unlocks a good feeling in you.  A little backstory, niko kejani nimechill napanga venye siku ya kesho itakuwa. It's around 9/10 pm hapo, niko ndani ya duvet, hii baridi ni mbaya, but I'm kind of happy one ni ju Manchester imenyoroshwa, na Kenya imeweza kuingia quarter finals za Chan. Niko easy, scrolling through, checking emails, sending CVs, na proposals hapa na pale, yenye itanasa ya kwanza. Hii story ya kutafuta shillingi, eeeei inatumaliza! Nimejiambia, wacha ni scroll simu kidogo, kabla usingizi ikuje, nilale kidogo, before usingizi ipotee hapo saa name, tisa, ju ya mawazo ya venye maisha yangu imestagnate, inakuja kukuja. Kiasi kiasi, nastukia niko kwa giza!  Niko zile za Kplc hao, wameanua stima. Naamua nitoke kwa bed, niende ni connect simu kwa charger, ndio ile time stima itarudi, nitaamka asubuhi nipate simu ikiwa full charge. Nikiplug simu hivi, naona, charging. Nikajijazia kumbe ni bulb imeungua. Kuchungul...

 In my days of service I had this friend called Waswa. He was way older than me, like 3 years older but tulikua tume enlist na yeye and we found ourselves sharing a barrack cube. Tulikua 4 in 1 cube. One night while we were off duty, he told me why he joined the military. Waswa was in JKUAT, Juja campus, and he was having some sort of entanglement with his schoolmate, a pretty petite lass called Syombua.  Our boy Waswa was the one visiting her because he was in a shared hostel. Waswa’s pretty lass, Syombua, lived in Weiteithie, in a well furnished apartment. Their relationship was like 3 or 4 months old but Waswa had received all sorts of treatment. From slices to the other slices, I know you know, and if you don't, jokes on you.  Kijana in his mind assumed that the lady came from a seriously loaded family. Makosaa. Sasa one Friday Waswa as usual goes for a sleepover knowing atakula vizuri pande zote. They enjoy the night and netflix as usual until they heard, “Fungua hap...

By the way, nishawahi pendwa na wazimu wasee . Not toxic like how some of your partners in some of your relationships are, just somebody's daughter who was mentally ill. Tulieni niwapee story how it all went down. I was coming from Murang'a , nilikuwa nimetoka huko kupiga shughuli mbili tatu, as you know kwa gari kuna wale watu hubebwa mid journey, so sisi hao, tuko Kenol , gari imesimama watu kadhaa wakashuka, conductor yuko nje anaita watu wengine waiingie kwa gari to fill the empty seats.  I have my awesome earphones on, nasikia kuna fracas outside but I mind my shit so I ignore it, ju the last time niliona mtu ameleta kiherehere kwa shughuli haikuwa yake, alistukia amepigwa Kofi , mate ikatoka na curve kama shot ya Messi in his prime. Suddenly, I look up, and a fine gal catches the edge of my sight, eye contact kiasi between me and her and she smiles.  Damn a fine gal like this one? Thank you God! I remove my earphones so I can see her well. I songa songa as she comes an...

              In my existence, I have noticed some people are eating life with a big spoon, others like me, life is eating us with big spoons (read spade).  Not so many moons ago I was in a very bad fix, big brain, alot of skills but no paper evidence to match the skill so the people with money think you are a con. Anyway, I had a friend who was a donda (read conductor), I know he makes over 1500 daily because one day he told me, I asked him to link me up to one of the manyangas and he told me, “Si rahisi ni kulink  mimi stakudanganya kama wale uncle wa nyumbani  ati maliza shule nitakueka mahali.”  So he told me about kamagera ( a person who just loads people in a Matatu , and remains.) and their rowdiness. That their survival in nairobi is to be likened to the silverback against 100 men. No mercy. Nikamuuliza, because I want a fishing rod, not the fish itself so as to fend for myself.  So akaniambia you just go to any st...

        The day before writing this, I had a bad day. Wacha ni rewind kidogo, before I had the bad day, nilikuwa najiwaza nikijiuliza ni wapi nitatoa pesa ya kufanya ma one two three. Kiasi kiasi, around 3 or 4 hapo, in the afternoon, naona simu ikilia. In case you didn't know, zile times uko in the pits of hell, in the dark, struggling to find the way out, ndio simu huwa hailii kabsaa.  I won't lie, simu venye ililia ilinistua kidogo, ju sikuwa na expect any call from anyone, moreso at that time. Ilikuwa a new number, sijawahi lenga kuchukua new number ju huwezi jua who might be trying to reach you with a strangers phone, inaweza kuwa opportunity, inaweza kuwa fahm or Boyz wako yuko kwa ngori, you never know.  Venye nilichukua, nilikuwa nadhani ni vijana wa mulot wamepiga kunijaribu Imani, but I held my tongue, and waited for the person on the other end to speak. “Hello,  naongea na fulani?” I was there wondering huyu ni nani ananijua na simjui, na hi...

       Leo nimefurahi ajab, one, nimepata email fulani ikanifurahisha mbaya, two, would you believe 100 stories zimedrop on Letstoriesunfold? Nikasema wacha niwaangushie something awesome kama kawaida ju mmekuwa mkifurahia from the very first story ilidrop.  I know after this drops, one of the two will be happening. Either, nitakuwa najificha ma fans wa Manchester ama Chelsea kunilemea na banters, ama ma fans wa Manchester na Chelsea watakuwa wanajificha ju ya kiburi venye itakuwa elevated ju ya matokeo.  Nilikuwa nachill tu nikisikiliza Ngoma fulani ya Khaligraph na Nyashinski inaitwa Risk, nikakumbuka kuna someone nilikuwa namtuliza ju kuna pahali aliwekelea pesa, hio organization ikasema iwekelee pesa ya watu Red Bull, pesa za watu ikapata wings ikapepea fwaaa! Hapo someone's mind ilikuwa inachemka kuchemka ka engine ya Passo, ikiwa imekimbizwa siku mzima, alikuwa haamini what the heck just went down. Nimetoka to take a walk, as I figure out what I ...