Waswa

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 In my days of service I had this friend called Waswa. He was way older than me, like 3 years older but tulikua tume enlist na yeye and we found ourselves sharing a barrack cube. Tulikua 4 in 1 cube. One night while we were off duty, he told me why he joined the military. Waswa was in JKUAT, Juja campus, and he was having some sort of entanglement with his schoolmate, a pretty petite lass called Syombua.  Our boy Waswa was the one visiting her because he was in a shared hostel. Waswa’s pretty lass, Syombua, lived in Weiteithie, in a well furnished apartment. Their relationship was like 3 or 4 months old but Waswa had received all sorts of treatment. From slices to the other slices, I know you know, and if you don't, jokes on you.  Kijana in his mind assumed that the lady came from a seriously loaded family. Makosaa. Sasa one Friday Waswa as usual goes for a sleepover knowing atakula vizuri pande zote. They enjoy the night and netflix as usual until they heard, “Fungua hap...
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Kamagera

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              In my existence, I have noticed some people are eating life with a big spoon, others like me, life is eating us with big spoons (read spade). 

Not so many moons ago I was in a very bad fix, big brain, alot of skills but no paper evidence to match the skill so the people with money think you are a con. Anyway, I had a friend who was a donda (read conductor), I know he makes over 1500 daily because one day he told me, I asked him to link me up to one of the manyangas and he told me,

“Si rahisi ni kulink 

mimi stakudanganya kama wale uncle wa nyumbani 

ati maliza shule nitakueka mahali.” 


So he told me about kamagera ( a person who just loads people in a Matatu, and remains.) and their rowdiness. That their survival in nairobi is to be likened to the silverback against 100 men. No mercy. Nikamuuliza, because I want a fishing rod, not the fish itself so as to fend for myself. 


So akaniambia you just go to any stage you know, wait for every Matatu that stops to pick up passengers and demand 20 to 50bob from every vehicle. Yes I know hakuna mahali I have convinced you to go to town, it was your choice, but kazi lazima iendelee. He told me the best stage to start off, because they are small small people I can tishia just incase things go south.


So after the interview, kesho yake nkaenda stage, alikua amenipeleka na rada so his vehicle was coming up, ikafika and I did as instructed akanipea 50. 


Very nais. 


The residents of stage noticed a new face but they did not know me so they chilled for a few. Kid you not, I slept with a sweet 800 in my pocket that day, plus alot of maize in my stomach juu hio ndio ilikuwa lunch.


“We taller, 

hii gari next ni yangu, 

siku ya kwanza tulikuachia mkate, 

leo utakula nduma"  


Day three manenos.


"Bana nairobi bidii, 

jikaze tu" 




I said jokingly. 


Kumbe the guy was serious I should back off. By the end of the week, I had been evicted from 6 stages. People somehow listened when I told them naweka gari next because I did not look unkempt and like a burglar, wana feel safe, and Makangas liked me juu I had customer mbio mbio, this I filled their matatus fast.

A knife was put on my throat in daylight, a few days after nikajua hapa nimekuja sana and quit the lucrative job, ju ni kama wangenituma sayuni. Minimum daily wage ni 500, good day has up to 2k.

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