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Showing posts from May, 2024

Sina...

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Imekuwa long tangu nichonge story ka venye Michelangelo alikuwa anachonga vitu clean many centuries ago. Story ilikuwa iende live but draft ilikuwa kwa simu, na simu ilizama kwa maji ka Petero venye alijishuku ati ni yeye anatembea kwa maji. Fundi naye kumpelekea simu akakuwa kama ule jamaa wa promises bandia za in “6 months”. Fundi amekaa nayo almost three weeks, ananichocha daily ati anaunda, kumbe anani-enjoy tu, simu imemlemea na hataki kunichapia.  Kuishi bila simu blunder, unasikia ni uko kwa kichaka ama ka wewe ni inmate. Nimefikiria venye shillingi itatoka nishike device ingine; itatoka ju fundi alishindwa kufufua simu hadi akili imetap out. Nikiscroll scroll YouTube nikiwa nimetulia after nimetoka kuchapiana na Boyz wangu Kimani ma one two one two, nimebump into this song called Wasted Story by Virusi Mbaya, sijui ni kama ni coincidence ama nini,  but nimerelate nayo mbaya sana na kuna part moja imepenya  “…Saka kila siku it's not enough..” “...Ma...
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👻Booo! 👻

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   👻 booo! 👻 Ghafla bin vuu,  mvua When boarding this matatu, the tout said to me sweetly  “mrembo, wee kaa starehe hapa kwa kiti yangu, nitakaa mbele.” I think, oh well, why not, how kind sir. I shut my umbrella and get in and he closes the door, again and I think, how chivalrous. Little by little, water starts trickling and then pours on my left side, and now I think, how cunning. The lady infront of me has her umbrella strategically placed to cover her left leg. There's a drenched gentleman at the back who's been yelling profanities I cannot say. Do I say, when it rains it pours.  As the memory played in my head, I realized your life can change in a snap, like Nairobi weather.  Here I was, past the talking stage, in the we doing this stage in a relationship with someone's son. Who I couldn't have met if it wasn't for the cards that had been played by fate that day, the tout offering me his seat, me being drenched by the water trickling in little by li...
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Don't be so hard

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        I know you are all waiting for Hawkers Jameni, the finale to drop, I'll drop it soon after I drop this. I'm writing this on a holiday, reminiscing about my life. I find myself doing that when I am listening to or after I have listened to music.  This is music music, not the kind that the Gen Zs are listening to, kufinish kumallo, and other shenanigans. I ain't hating, just saying, I usually say kila nyani na starehe zake. My life has been about the good, the bad, the ugly, throwing the near-death experiences like seasoning to spice it up just a bit.  The battles I have fought like Jason Statham, some I got my ass handed to me, while other times I unleashed violence I didn't know I had in me on the other attacking party even the devil himself recoiled his tail, poof! out of sight like Manchester United fans after their team gets thrashed mercilessly. Hehe Anyway one thing that stood out, to me, is the way I have been so hard on myself. It's ironic be...
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Hawkers Jameni III

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Under the TV I adorned the biggest boner I have ever seen. It looked like it was supporting the tv on its own, trying to rip off the shorts. Since I was a commando with baggy shorts, it protruded and looked like Pinocchio’s nose after telling several lies. It stood like a jousting lance. Shit!  I froze.  I pressed my thighs together, trying to hold the dingdong back in vain. Shit! What should I do? I panicked and almost threw the TV down.  (I might have dropped it,  but,  with my sperminator  at that angle  it could never have fallen down)  Mohawk had walked two steps ahead of me. He stopped, looked back and asked “Buddy, what is wrong?” “Kuna shida, njoo kidogo,”  When he came near I whispered,  “I have an erection.” He looked beneath the TV and then looked at me, while holding his laughter, he whispered,   “It looks like a rhino’s horn,  it looks angry too,”  After laughing for a while he added,  “I actually have a ...
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