Mwili mpya...

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“We are fucked!”  Tommie stared at the gas cylinder as if it had personally betrayed him. “Gas inaumua iishe sahii? Fuck! Sina job,  pesa ndio hii imeamua kuingia witness protection.” His wife, Mary, was sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling through her phone with the kind of concentration usually reserved for presidential results. “Babe,  si unawarm ile maharagwe ya juzi?” Tommie turned slowly. “Those beans?” Mary nodded. “The same beans zimekaa kwa fridge tangu juzi?” “Tommie…” “Mary, hizo beans ziko na history.  Juzi ndio zilikuwa beans.  Leo ni story ingine.” Mary sighed. “Ju gas imeisha,  tunatupa hizo beans tulale njaa ama turisk?” Tommie closed the fridge because when he had opened the fridge to take out the beans to warm, a funny smell escaped. “Pasi lazima aniconfirmie kitu.” “What?” “Kwamba binguni tunapewa mwili mpya.” Mary laughed despite herself. “Why?” “Because hii yangu imechoka. Imeishiwa nguvu.  Sasa ju ya njaa, inataka kula beans ...
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Ni mbayaa!

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               It was one of those days, there I was chilling after some hectic shughuli, just trying to catch my breath, nangoja mat ijae itoke stage nifike mtaa. I spot this girl amekaa kando yangu holding a water bottle, and it was like ¾ full. I was feeling a little thirsty, ok, maybe more than a little. 


I say hi to her, Namsho design jua imenikaranga kama mimi ni kitunguu, na venye naskia ulimi imekauka, wacha tu. Si mnaelewa hii joto imekuwa recently? I go ahead and ask her if she would mind giving me a sip of her water?  It seems to me like she doesn't mind my request, because she passes her water bottle over to me. I'm like, I can finally quench my thirst. I take one big sip, and immediately regret it… aiyo! 


My tongue is like sandpaper. Naenda kutema, naona kanjo ndio huyo, ananingoja niteme tu hivi, ashuke, na ashine na mimi proper! Inabidi tu nimemeza shingo upande. Ikiteremka naskia ni kama my throat is hosting a barbecue, and my brain is screaming at me like


“Hii ni changaa, 

hiding in plain sight?” 


After nimerudishia dame water bottle yake, I sat there, nimefreeze, nashangaa, 




“Kwani, 

hii ni ile changaa ya wapi?”


Wacha mat ijae, itoke CBD, ishike highway, ndio naskia effects za hio sip zinakam in full force. Eeei! I could feel it cooking in me, niliiskia inachoma hadi kwa maini, naskia hadi kwa loop of Henle, inafeel ni kama Ghost rider amepita hapo. I'm telling you, it was flames, fire, chaos… Siet! 


And the girl? 


You should have seen her. She was just there, her face a picture of innocence, smiling like nothing has happened, holding her water bottle like a boss. 


Me? 

I was still thirsty, recovering from that sip, karibu inipige knockout. I'm there whispering to myself, 


“Next time, beba maji yako bana… 

kunywa maji yako tu.”

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Is a pleasure to keep you as my reader entertained. Peace✌️

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