Mwili mpya...

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“We are fucked!”  Tommie stared at the gas cylinder as if it had personally betrayed him. “Gas inaumua iishe sahii? Fuck! Sina job,  pesa ndio hii imeamua kuingia witness protection.” His wife, Mary, was sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling through her phone with the kind of concentration usually reserved for presidential results. “Babe,  si unawarm ile maharagwe ya juzi?” Tommie turned slowly. “Those beans?” Mary nodded. “The same beans zimekaa kwa fridge tangu juzi?” “Tommie…” “Mary, hizo beans ziko na history.  Juzi ndio zilikuwa beans.  Leo ni story ingine.” Mary sighed. “Ju gas imeisha,  tunatupa hizo beans tulale njaa ama turisk?” Tommie closed the fridge because when he had opened the fridge to take out the beans to warm, a funny smell escaped. “Pasi lazima aniconfirmie kitu.” “What?” “Kwamba binguni tunapewa mwili mpya.” Mary laughed despite herself. “Why?” “Because hii yangu imechoka. Imeishiwa nguvu.  Sasa ju ya njaa, inataka kula beans ...
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Waswa

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 In my days of service I had this friend called Waswa. He was way older than me, like 3 years older but tulikua tume enlist na yeye and we found ourselves sharing a barrack cube. Tulikua 4 in 1 cube. One night while we were off duty, he told me why he joined the military. Waswa was in JKUAT, Juja campus, and he was having some sort of entanglement with his schoolmate, a pretty petite lass called Syombua. 


Our boy Waswa was the one visiting her because he was in a shared hostel. Waswa’s pretty lass, Syombua, lived in Weiteithie, in a well furnished apartment. Their relationship was like 3 or 4 months old but Waswa had received all sorts of treatment. From slices to the other slices, I know you know, and if you don't, jokes on you. 


Kijana in his mind assumed that the lady came from a seriously loaded family. Makosaa. Sasa one Friday Waswa as usual goes for a sleepover knowing atakula vizuri pande zote. They enjoy the night and netflix as usual until they heard,


“Fungua hapa Syombua, 

nakupigia simu yako haichukuliwi”


were the words that awoke them from their slumber while cuddling. Waswa wanted to shout back, 


“hii mapema yote buana!

Mbona unapigia wapendanao kelele?”


Syombua stopped him from opening the door and told him, huyo ndio boyfriend wake na watapigwa mbaya sana. The gal was shivering kama mtu hajavaa warm Limuru, hata anashindwa kuvaa nguo. Waswa hajui nani yuko hapo nje, in his mind anadhani wanaeza pigana ahepe. 


Makosa.


The man outside ran out of patience and threatened to shoot the door open. Hapo ndio Waswa alijua kumbe mwenye yuko hapo nje yuko na gun. Balls zilirudi kwa tumbo, sauti ikapotea, nywele zikasimama, minyoo zikanyamaza. 




Kidogo, our boy Waswa, had even started imagining his eulogy. Syombua opened the door at last.


“Eeh eeh eeh ehh 

we ni nani kwa nyumba yangu? 

 mbona huna nguo?”


The guy was 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide, with a face only a mother can love, na alikuwa amejaa kwa mlango hata sunrise yenyewe haiingii. 




He turned and closed the door. Hehehe smack down Waswa alikuwa anaona tu flying kicks zikiendea dem then yeye anakanyagwa shingo akiwekelewa madondi. Kijana begged for his life akasahau alikuwa anaambia dem vile atamprotect. Kama ushawahi ona military boots sasa imagine unakanyagwa nayo. 


Waswa was stripped down to his boxer and frogmarched mpaka stage. Mambo ya Syombua sijui but ni kama aliona moto. Waswa alipata nguo from well wishers. Akachukua the next vehicle kuenda home and never went to school again. 


Fear humans‼️

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Is a pleasure to keep you as my reader entertained. Peace✌️

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