Jirani chronicles

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              So I'm just chilling at my crib, I decided to call my G huwa namuita anko, (don’t ask why, story for another day because that story needs a whole episode on its own), tuonge tupange ma one two. Hata hatujaongea sana, nasikia my door ina gongwa gongwa na vurugu. Na pause kiasi.  You know that moment where your spirit steps out of your body for a second to peep through the curtain before you do? Yeah, that one. Na hang up call with my G, saa hio nashangaa ni nani huyu ananitafuta na fujo hivi? Naenda kuangalia, alafu nifungue, nijue how it will go down ie kama kutakuwa na throwing of fists. Kuangalia tu hivi, ni three burly men, wamekula chuma wakashiba ka crocodile imemeza wildebeest mzima time huwa zina cross River Mara Na tense kiasi, but najipiga kifua nilikuambia kama mbaya mbaya! Nafungua mlango nijue venye kutaenda, wananicheki hivi, design wanarudi chini then wako zile za  “Pole.” One of them turns to the rest anawaambia...
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Waswa

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 In my days of service I had this friend called Waswa. He was way older than me, like 3 years older but tulikua tume enlist na yeye and we found ourselves sharing a barrack cube. Tulikua 4 in 1 cube. One night while we were off duty, he told me why he joined the military. Waswa was in JKUAT, Juja campus, and he was having some sort of entanglement with his schoolmate, a pretty petite lass called Syombua. 


Our boy Waswa was the one visiting her because he was in a shared hostel. Waswa’s pretty lass, Syombua, lived in Weiteithie, in a well furnished apartment. Their relationship was like 3 or 4 months old but Waswa had received all sorts of treatment. From slices to the other slices, I know you know, and if you don't, jokes on you. 


Kijana in his mind assumed that the lady came from a seriously loaded family. Makosaa. Sasa one Friday Waswa as usual goes for a sleepover knowing atakula vizuri pande zote. They enjoy the night and netflix as usual until they heard,


“Fungua hapa Syombua, 

nakupigia simu yako haichukuliwi”


were the words that awoke them from their slumber while cuddling. Waswa wanted to shout back, 


“hii mapema yote buana!

Mbona unapigia wapendanao kelele?”


Syombua stopped him from opening the door and told him, huyo ndio boyfriend wake na watapigwa mbaya sana. The gal was shivering kama mtu hajavaa warm Limuru, hata anashindwa kuvaa nguo. Waswa hajui nani yuko hapo nje, in his mind anadhani wanaeza pigana ahepe. 


Makosa.


The man outside ran out of patience and threatened to shoot the door open. Hapo ndio Waswa alijua kumbe mwenye yuko hapo nje yuko na gun. Balls zilirudi kwa tumbo, sauti ikapotea, nywele zikasimama, minyoo zikanyamaza. 




Kidogo, our boy Waswa, had even started imagining his eulogy. Syombua opened the door at last.


“Eeh eeh eeh ehh 

we ni nani kwa nyumba yangu? 

 mbona huna nguo?”


The guy was 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide, with a face only a mother can love, na alikuwa amejaa kwa mlango hata sunrise yenyewe haiingii. 




He turned and closed the door. Hehehe smack down Waswa alikuwa anaona tu flying kicks zikiendea dem then yeye anakanyagwa shingo akiwekelewa madondi. Kijana begged for his life akasahau alikuwa anaambia dem vile atamprotect. Kama ushawahi ona military boots sasa imagine unakanyagwa nayo. 


Waswa was stripped down to his boxer and frogmarched mpaka stage. Mambo ya Syombua sijui but ni kama aliona moto. Waswa alipata nguo from well wishers. Akachukua the next vehicle kuenda home and never went to school again. 


Fear humans‼️

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Is a pleasure to keep you as my reader entertained. Peace✌️

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