Take me back.

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              A couple of months back, nilikuwa nimeenda place fulani shughuli na one of my boyz, Tommy, tulikuwa Whistling Moran I think. Tulifika mapema, tumetulia tunangoja tu clients wafike. I always arrive early for business, a skill I unknowingly picked up from my old man. Tommy alikuwa anataka kushika one or two beers to kill time before clients wafike, lakini nikamsho zii, business first, atashika a couple of beers after tumemalizana na clients.  Tulikuwa tunataka tu kufine tune some details kwa contract fulani tulipata ya kuweka some serious coins in our pockets with the clients ndio tusichomeke. After they arrive, tunaanza kuiron out some details with the clients, it takes a while, going back and forth, and right before I reach my breaking point to snap and maybe flip the table on them like I have see it done in the movies, the clients compromises, and agree to some of the changes we want in the contract.  Satisfied, we bid the clie...
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Krest kubwa baridi.

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Leo ilikuwa ile siku yours truly aliamua kutoka heaven kuja earth na ile line ya.. 

🎶kuna mahali nafaa kwenda na ni sahii🎶

I decided to chill today listening to some music i.e. All my life by Lil Durk and love yourz by J Cole, and just meditating on how far I have come and how far I intend to go when I remembered something quite hilarious. Somewhere in mid 2019, I thought I was pregnant.

 It was before I met Jesus. Which means, I had met someone that was not Jesus the previous night and engaged in some co curricular activities which were pleasurable, but at some point had me huffing and puffing like the wolf in the three little pigs and sweaty. 

Which also means that person was beautiful, and attractive like a bad decision in your twenties and was not of Jesus' gender. I woke up with a bad case of morning sickness. I know it was morning sickness because it came in the morning. I only wanted to take Krest. 

Krest kubwa baridi. 

It was a wintry Monday in Meru. For those of you who have never set foot in Meru, it can get very cold. For you to crave Krest kubwa baridi in that cold, it can only mean you are pregnant or hormonal. And I wasn't hormonal.

Crazy thing is I was almost this close in going to take the test then I remembered, I was a human male and in the history of human males, none has ever carried a pregnancy. Well, not that I have heard of.  I decided to go to a nearby hospital and learn why my body was behaving and causing me pain so early in the morning. I learnt two things that very morning, one, the cost of medical care is no joke, two, it turned out I only had malaria. 

That year, it is no lie Jesus and I didn't read from the same script kabisa. As a consequence, I did things Jesus would not approve. Bad things. On a Richter scale, we are talking about a solid 8. The long and short of it is that I went to a shop downstairs and took Soda worth 600. I remember one bottle was retailing at 50 bob, I don't know about now, I rarely take sodas. 

That was all I took the six days I was in Meru.

God is good that kind of malaria has never found me. For if it does I don't know how I will come out it. Anyway I'm going to meet some people and celebrate the fact I've been given another chance 6ft above the ground. 

One thing I'll advise you though,
don't be like me. 
Don't wake up craving Krest kubwa baridi.

Comments

  1. BmixxKE OfficialJune 12, 2023 at 4:45 AM

    🤣🤣🤣🔥🔥🔥🔥

    ReplyDelete
  2. RukiaJune 12, 2023 at 7:28 AM

    Ati pregnant 😂😂😂
    Your descriptions are crazy😂😂😂😂 attractive and not Jesus'gender😂😂😂😂😂😂

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cappy VinJuly 5, 2023 at 11:17 PM

    Read twice in a row to understand. Very funny. Krest kubwa zaidi.

    ReplyDelete

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Is a pleasure to keep you as my reader entertained. Peace✌️

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