Nòî

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On another episode of: things that never happened, or did they? Saturday or Sunday, many many many moons ago. I used to go to the bafu na towel pekee always wondering how women always walked around in skirts. So after showering it was free mode mpaka kejani. Kwa buloti, it was a communal bathroom so you had to carry your bucket. Na ukipata mtu yuko ndani, unapanga laini. On this particular day nilikuwa nimechemsha maji niko ready kuingia kwa bafu, jirani beat me to the bathroom by seconds. I left my bucket full of warm water hapo nikiwa frustrated then nikaingia kejani kutime akitoka, naruka ndani. Asubuhi gets chilly so you can't just hang around there waiting ukiwa kifua iko nje, umejifunga towel pekee. Akamaliza nikaskia mlango yake imefunga, nikakimbia bafu fasta fasta maji yangu isipoe, ingepoa ingekuwa balaa. Kumbe she was not yet done, alikua ameacha karai yake na maji hapo ndani arudi kuosha kifuniko. Mimi naye nokatoa hio basin nje nikaingia kwa bafu, this is not ...

Wasee wametulia


Nilikuwa place hustle, kutafuta shillingi nisiiname lunch ka comrades, ama kuwa homeless ju mwenye nyumba ameweka kufuli ingine kubwa ka sex drive ya dame yuko twenty something. 

Ilikuwa story zinatembea tu, bila pressure tukiendelea na job yetu, masaa ikisonga mbele tu. Sikumbuki ni part gani exactly kwa hio story ilifanya ni remark,

“Kama kuna watu nimetense,”

“ni wasee wao hukuwa wametulia tu.”


They were like, 


Souley wacha kutubeba utoto.

Mbona uogope mtu hana makelele ama kisirani?


Niliwaelewa wakifikiria na kuuliza hivyo. Nikawachapia incidences kadhaa zenye wasee hawana mambo mingi wamesurprise wasee vi ajab. 

Wasione ni ka nawasho story haziko, ka excuses za ule manzi uko nayo akitwekwa na salaried niggas mshahara ya end month wakiwa nayo.

Kuna this time, tuko lap mtaa ya Boyz wetu fulani. Wasee fulani wakaamua ni sisi watatutumia kuchase the bag. Kutuibia in layman’s terms. Wamekuja wanatugotea then wako zile za 

hizo phone na dooh tuko nazo tuwawahi. 

Tukawaignore tukasonga mbele na ziara yetu. Hao wasee kuona hatuna masaa yao, si hasira zao zikachemka wakaskuma arif ndio vita ianze.



Arif alibackstep tu, akavuta kofi ingine strong ka finishing ya Eliud Kipchoge kwa mmoja ya hao wasee walimskuma, ikawacha imprint ya mkono yake. Huyo msee akakuwa unconscious na kuanguka puuf! ka bei ya simiti. 

Wasee kuona venye kumegeuka kwa mwenzao wakajipea shughuli mbio na sisi tukaendelea kuchapa lap as if nothing happened.

Mimi naye nilikuwa zile , is this guy really human? ka venye keeper wa Copenhagen alikuwa ana wonder out loud kwa Jack Grealish akirefer to Haaland. 

As if kushow chenye nawasho si story za jaba, I came across this story of this guy, American, who seduces you, fucks you, kills and eats you. 

Naweza sema he’s another version of Onyancha.

The only twist to this is that, one, he is gay like that dude from Sauti Sol, what’s his name, Chimano.  Two, he prepares his victim’s flesh, doesn’t eat it raw like Onyancha. Ana marinate hio nyama nakuambia ka venye madem wenyu wana marinatiwa Loft. Anaiprepare like some high quality chef.


I kid you not, seeing this guy you could bet your soul, your lung, liver and any precious thing you have, he can’t kill a chicken let alone a human. Hapa huwezi ukaniconvince otherwise, watu wametulia, mimi huwaonea 18, nikiwa rada yao mbaya.



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Is a pleasure to keep you as my reader entertained. Peace✌️

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