Riswaaa!

 

It was a polite time, and I was having this conversation, with one of my top Gs, Tommie. Not to gas him up or anything, but allow me to be Safaricom just this once, you know, to give credit where its due.  Tommie, he is one of the most creative and crazy ninjas I know. We could be having a conversation and the next second, would find us cracking up, like we lost our own fucking damn minds!

Anyway, back to what I was saying, so I was having a conversation after he let me have a peep at a project he was working on. I haven’t been mesmerized by something like I was when I explored his project. To say I was impressed would be an understatement, I was completely blown away. I asked him a question, thousands of you ask me every time something fresh and amazing drops on Letstoriesunfold,

“Unapata inspiration wapi?”

He hit me with,

“Unajua hii conversation itabore, nikikuambia.”

So I let it slide to move forward with the conversation. We talked about a few more things, then talked about a guy who’s wife had played him with two other guys, and the three guys were planning to surprise the woman on her birthday with DNA test results and cake. 

What he said next, ilifanya ninyongwe na mate.

(I would not have done justice to that statement if I had put it in English.)

“Unajua kesho ni birthday yangu,

But fahm

inadhani nimededi.”

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I told him to stop playing, and to be serious for once. He affirmed again what he said and he did not look like he was bluffing at all.  I told him I have witnessed crazy shit before, but this, the stuff he had just told me, was on a league of it’s own. He added it has been three months since his supposed funeral, and sent me a video of burial ritual done in his name.

The story went on with him telling me there was a day he was spotted by one of his aunts in town. The moment she saw him, her face went pale with fear. All he heard afterwards from the moment he saw her, was her shouting riswaaa! 

At the top of her voice while she splashed water on him from her water bottle, the next minute, saw her taking off running, like the way hawkers take off after getting a whiff of kanjo nearby. He sipped a little something something, before continuing, 

“ Yaani umecheka, hadi una weeze ka msee yuko na asthma." 

“Niendelee na story ama?”

I told him to chill a bit I take a breath or two before I join Dedan Kimathi and the rest of my ancestors due to suffocation by laughing too hard continuously.