Mteja 2

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Let's rewind to 1:00 PM when she had texted:   “Souley,  go to this place in Ngara,  ask for a guy called Musyoka.  He has the samples.  Just call me when you get there,  I’ll guide you.” Simple, right?  Now it’s 2:44. I’m here. I’ve found Musyoka. He’s chewing miraa, eyeing me like I’m slowing down his evening high.   “Oyaa,  niko na samples.  Si useme venye madam alisema.  Ni hizi ama zile?” I freeze. I don’t know. I was told to wait for her instructions. I try to call her again. Mteja. I text. Double tick. No blue. I even WhatsApp call her, desperate moves, you know? Musyoka is now shifting his weight like a man about to disappear. I try calling her again, muttering under my breath,  “This woman will be the end of me.” Then the rain starts. Nairobi rain doesn’t fall, it attacks. Boda guys scatter, hawkers scramble to save their goods, and I’m there, hunched under a mabati shade, holding a phone that won't ring, wit...

The undertaker.


I have told lots of stories, and I have heard lot's of stories over the years, but none could prepare me for this story I am about to tell you. 

First I'll have to ask you, 

which is most bizarre job or contact, 

you have ever done,

for money?

To most people, I am the guy who has been in some crazy hustles, but compared to my guy, Kinyanjui, that is just a tiny handful of some sand to a whole beach. I don't think there's a hustle in this world that Kinyanjui hasn't been to. 

If it isn't washing old people's bums, he's out there brokering property, trading stocks, professional mourner, eating contests, extras in Kenyan movies, in corporate tenders, let me pause it at that because the list is quite endless.

We were chilling one lovely Saturday, as you well might know Saturday is for the boys. Banters against who's team was thrashed and is likely to be thrashed on the weekend, then the conversation shifted to crazy shit people have done, guess who was at the centre of the entire conversation? Kinyanjui! 

One of my buddies, Bruno, in between the fits of laughter asked Kinyanjui, 

“Is there anything in this world, 

you haven't done?”


 That's when Kinyanjui casually said that at some point he has even worked at a mortuary, receiving, preparing and dispatching the dead bodies for burial. Immediately he said that, we were left, intrigued and much as we knew Kinyanjui was up for any job that he got a few coins, this came as a shock to us, plus the way he casually said it, like someone saying, 

“huwa napika mandazi.”

There were a few questions after he said that, like how did he land the job, has something peculiar happened while he was on the job, did the job change his perceptive in life, how did he handle bereaved family and friends? 

He held his hand up, to signal to us, to put a pause on the questions for a bit, because what he just said caused him to open up a whole Pandora's box of questions. There was uneasy silence, followed by each one of us sipping some whiskey or gin or whatever the person preferred, plus making himself comfortable in order not to miss anything that Kinyanjui was going to say.

He leaned forward, and asked us, 

“do really want to know?”

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Is a pleasure to keep you as my reader entertained. Peace✌️

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