Shukisha!

I prefer carrying only a couple of stuff in my pockets. My pocket contents on an average day include the usual, an Android phone, a wallet full of ATMs of dormant bank accounts, and a large bunch of keys of long-lost padlocks with either bottle top openers, nail cutters, or whistles.

Most of the time it was either I did not see the need for carrying a handkerchief or had no space left in my pocket for them. I felt that they were simply unnecessary in my workplace. Whenever I felt the urge to expel excess mucus I simply closed one chamber of my nose using the index finger and blew air. 

It was an effective and laundry-free process to rid the nose of mucus (makamasi). It also had its challenges too, sometimes the mucus was not viscous enough necessitating manual removal then proceeded to smear it on walls, tree barks, parked cars, etc.

Yesterday morning I boarded a matatu, where I decided to take a seat next to the window. I sat down quietly thinking of the economics of how the price of cement has stagnated for over a decade yet demand has tripled.

I was interrupted from my train of thought by a “songa kidogo" and then an arm stretched in my direction. A handshake! From a slim curvy yellow yellow single mother whom I had ignored like 306 greetings from. I greeted her and she took a seat next to me. 

My eyes (due to gravity) 

rolled down 

and 

lo and behold! 

In my field of vision, there were some nice exposed juicy thighs. They could have been juicier if not for the jealous mini skirt that covered the hotspots. I happened to notice that both her knees were dark and a bit bruised. 

The perverted section of mind using a complex algorithm concluded that she liked to do it outdoors on all fours probably in those remote locations. Ufisi mode turned up the low speed, and high torque seduction flowed

By her reactions and body language, I saw her liking my vibe. She started leaning on my shoulder. I paid the fare for both without care, shouting at the conductor to keep the change. I asked her if I could tour her body the way Zakayo tours other countries. She laughed for a while, and then she added, 

“Is that what you truly want?”

Looking into her baby blue eyes, I said yes. I knew it, I was pulling her closer and closer, reeling her in. The clock was ticking, and it was just a matter of time. I casually whispered in her ear,

“My DNA is attracted to you 

like the way 

a moth is attracted 

to the light.”

Kidogo kidogo I felt makamasi trying to take a peek off my nostrils. I snorted it back several times but it kept on slowly coming or rather flowing. Luckily for me at that time I had a small piece of tissue paper which was reserved for removing matters deemed unnecessary by the stomach. 

We were advised by some interns that a newspaper or cement packaging was not fit for washroom use after the sewerage system had been unblocked yet again for a millionth time. The tissue helped for quite a while until she told me to throw it out the window. I lied to save my face that I worked for UNEP and we did not litter.

The seduction continued well until the devil, or in layman's terms (Saitan), opened the gate valves za makamasi, fast and furious it flowed. That is when l got up like a madman and shouted at the top of my lungs,

“MAKANGA! 

SHUKISHA HAPO!!!”