Nòî

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On another episode of: things that never happened, or did they? Saturday or Sunday, many many many moons ago. I used to go to the bafu na towel pekee always wondering how women always walked around in skirts. So after showering it was free mode mpaka kejani. Kwa buloti, it was a communal bathroom so you had to carry your bucket. Na ukipata mtu yuko ndani, unapanga laini. On this particular day nilikuwa nimechemsha maji niko ready kuingia kwa bafu, jirani beat me to the bathroom by seconds. I left my bucket full of warm water hapo nikiwa frustrated then nikaingia kejani kutime akitoka, naruka ndani. Asubuhi gets chilly so you can't just hang around there waiting ukiwa kifua iko nje, umejifunga towel pekee. Akamaliza nikaskia mlango yake imefunga, nikakimbia bafu fasta fasta maji yangu isipoe, ingepoa ingekuwa balaa. Kumbe she was not yet done, alikua ameacha karai yake na maji hapo ndani arudi kuosha kifuniko. Mimi naye nokatoa hio basin nje nikaingia kwa bafu, this is not ...

Hawkers Jameni III


Under the TV I adorned the biggest boner I have ever seen. It looked like it was supporting the tv on its own, trying to rip off the shorts. Since I was a commando with baggy shorts, it protruded and looked like Pinocchio’s nose after telling several lies. It stood like a jousting lance.

Shit! 

I froze. 

I pressed my thighs together, trying to hold the dingdong back in vain. Shit! What should I do? I panicked and almost threw the TV down. 

(I might have dropped it, but, 

with my sperminator 

at that angle 

it could never have fallen down) 

Mohawk had walked two steps ahead of me. He stopped, looked back and asked

“Buddy, what is wrong?”


“Kuna shida, njoo kidogo,” 

When he came near I whispered, 

“I have an erection.”



He looked beneath the TV and then looked at me, while holding his laughter, he whispered,

 

“It looks like a rhino’s horn, 

it looks angry too,” 


After laughing for a while he added, 

“I actually have a hard on too! 

I am so horny. 

What is happening? 

You have no underwear?”


“No, 

I don’t do undies on weekends.”


Here we were, two horny men, strangers to one another, each with throbbing hard on, confused in the CBD in broad daylight. His boner was not showing probably because he wore tight jeans, and most likely a pair of under pants.

“Quick! 

Over there!

 A Supermarket!” 

He said, pointing ahead. Looking ahead, across Luthuli Avenue, I saw Ukwala Supermarket up ahead.

“What about it? What is the plan?”


 I asked

“Let us go to Ukwala, 

buy something that will restrain this bulges that we have.”

After hearing Mohawk's suggestion, I said, 

 “Great idea!”

We almost Usain-Bolted towards it. As we went into Ukwala, I left the TV at the entrance and ran into the supermarket, almost crouching. As I was walking in-between the ground floor isles, while I believed no one was looking, I quickly tucked my hand and shoved my D between my thighs. I started walking like a cripple since it was the only way I could walk.


(later on the camera angle would appear as if 

I had stolen something and shoved it 

in my shorts).

Anyone who has had a boner in public knows that the remedy is to pretend you are pocketing while pushing or holding down on the stick to cool it down and appear normal. 

My short had no pockets. I had to walk like a cripple, looking for an attendant. Mohawk caught up with me.


“Nunua shoe laces ufunge nayo. 

Boxers might not contain that atrocity,” 

Mohawk said. I thought about it and agreed that it was a better idea.

“Shoe laces ziko floor gani?” 

I asked an attendant standing by a staircase.

“We don’t sell shoe laces, 

you have to buy shoes together with the laces,” 

he answered. I turned to Mohawk, 

“What do we do?”

Mohawk was quiet for a while, he seemed to be thinking of something, then he said, 

“Nunua rubber band 

ishikilie.”

This is one kid full of ideas! I thought. A rubber band sounded way better than a shoelace or underwear.

“Blada ziko floor gani?” 

I asked the attendant.

“What?”


“Rubber bands ziko wapi?”


“2nd floor, at the stationery items section.”


‘Thank you,”

I ran up the stairs to the stationery section and found the rubber bands.

“Changing room iko wapi?” 

I asked another attendant.

“3rd floor kwa nguo.” 


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