Don't be so hard

        I know you are all waiting for Hawkers Jameni, the finale to drop, I'll drop it soon after I drop this. I'm writing this on a holiday, reminiscing about my life. I find myself doing that when I am listening to or after I have listened to music. 

This is music music, not the kind that the Gen Zs are listening to, kufinish kumallo, and other shenanigans. I ain't hating, just saying, I usually say kila nyani na starehe zake. My life has been about the good, the bad, the ugly, throwing the near-death experiences like seasoning to spice it up just a bit. 

The battles I have fought like Jason Statham, some I got my ass handed to me, while other times I unleashed violence I didn't know I had in me on the other attacking party even the devil himself recoiled his tail, poof! out of sight like Manchester United fans after their team gets thrashed mercilessly.

Hehe

Anyway one thing that stood out, to me, is the way I have been so hard on myself. It's ironic because most people who have interacted with me will tell you I am a joker, others who know me too well will think I am bordering dangerously close to mental instability like Mexicans on the US border. 

“Souley, 

wewe hukuwa sawa kweli?” 

Those who know me a bit more will ask. Someone's daughter, a few weeks ago, asked me if I have ADHD. I laughed it off. Let me tell you I have been hard on myself every damn time.

When I miss out on an opportunity, or when a prospective deal falls flat on its face after a considerable time pushing it, or when someone removes you from a gig you could earn some good coins hinting to you that your English belongs in the gutter, and you are infuriated so much that you want to kick that person to oblivion like the way Polio was kicked out of Kenya. 

The funny part is, the abyss of self-pity is just right there waiting, wanting to suck you in completely (mzima mzima) like a black hole if you let it. When I listened to this song, Don't Be So Hard on Yourself by C5 ft Eddie White it resonated with me. 

Let's see if I can catch the lyrics to share with you so you can see what I mean.

Don't be so hard on yourself 

I be talking to myself 

I gotta be my own motivation 

when there ain't nobody else

I can't waste my time

comparing my life

to everybody else

I gotta trust myself than take advice 

from everybody else

Can't be wishing 

what I should've did 

when it's already done