Shimonjero

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  You know those times unasikia ni kama unachizi? Umepanga vitu zako vizuri, from A-Z then everything decides to go tits up kama mende imededi? So recently I was in such a bubble, naona tu Dim.  Nikasema sitachizi niliona, wacha I go see my hombre, Tommie, pale Kach. It's very peaceful place btw. After the first day, we are beating stories after kumaliza shughuli mbili tatu, nothing major, just enough to feel productive without actually being productive.  Out of nowhere, Tommie leans in like he’s about to reveal state secrets. “Btw nilikuwa na mpango na fulani na yule jirani  nilikuwa nataka tupangane.  Si tufike hivyo?” We pull up to Jirani's compound, and the first thing we see? Two cocks. Full chest out. Feathers flying. Pride on the line. These roosters were not playing. This wasn’t a disagreement, this was generational beef. You could tell one of them had been waiting for this moment since childhood. Jamaa sees us and instead of greeting like a normal human...
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Visanga vya Ambrose part 2

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To avoid attracting unnecessary attention, Chairman asked his house girl to accompany him to the car. The HR lady loudly reminded him that the medical cover did not include abortion. 

Chairman replied, 


“you are childless, 

because your womb is a morgue, 

but,

I can donate some kids”


Tears flooded the HR's eyes as she walked away. Chairman disappeared with his young distressed wife. They went to see a doctor at Marie Stopes to establish the cause if missing periods. 

Afterwards, she was shuttled to Busia to wait for matters to calm down. Now he went home to face Nduta and several prayer warriors who had come cleanse the matrimonial home. 

They welcomed him with a round of prayer against evil spirits of admiring anything that walks in a skirt. The final demand startled him completely. Hands akimbo she demanded a gift, something that moves zero to 100 very fast.

Nduta was tired of walking. Her weight made breathing a real struggle. Chairman had a solution, which would put everything to perspective. 

He wanted the women to know he was a fixer who got things done. He bought the gift and had it delivered when the other women were around.

Excited Nduta and her cabal received the box, unwrapped it but to their surprise, what they found was totally unexpected. Several hours later, chairman came home  whistling confidently. 

Nduta and her two sisters whom she had invited, warmly welcomed him, but the water was too warm. He screamed in agony. His scalded groin was painful, but additional blows an sticks made the pain numbing. 





 Nduta shouted,


 “ unanunulia nani scale,

 ya kujipima?”


Chairman in excruciating pain said, 


“ulisema, 

unataka kitu inaenda 

0-100 very fast ukikanyaga?”


Two more blows took him out. He woke up to a familiar voice. She softly asked, 


“Which one of your many wives, 

did this inhumane act 

to you?”

It was the HR Lady, visiting one of her staff, as her job demanded. Staff welfare was her key performance index or KPI in short.

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Is a pleasure to keep you as my reader entertained. Peace✌️

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