Kamagera

-
Image
              In my existence, I have noticed some people are eating life with a big spoon, others like me, life is eating us with big spoons (read spade).  Not so many moons ago I was in a very bad fix, big brain, alot of skills but no paper evidence to match the skill so the people with money think you are a con. Anyway, I had a friend who was a donda (read conductor), I know he makes over 1500 daily because one day he told me, I asked him to link me up to one of the manyangas and he told me, “Si rahisi ni kulink  mimi stakudanganya kama wale uncle wa nyumbani  ati maliza shule nitakueka mahali.”  So he told me about kamagera ( a person who just loads people in a Matatu , and remains.) and their rowdiness. That their survival in nairobi is to be likened to the silverback against 100 men. No mercy. Nikamuuliza, because I want a fishing rod, not the fish itself so as to fend for myself.  So akaniambia you just go to any st...
1 comment

Visanga vya Ambrose part 2

-

To avoid attracting unnecessary attention, Chairman asked his house girl to accompany him to the car. The HR lady loudly reminded him that the medical cover did not include abortion. 

Chairman replied, 


“you are childless, 

because your womb is a morgue, 

but,

I can donate some kids”


Tears flooded the HR's eyes as she walked away. Chairman disappeared with his young distressed wife. They went to see a doctor at Marie Stopes to establish the cause if missing periods. 

Afterwards, she was shuttled to Busia to wait for matters to calm down. Now he went home to face Nduta and several prayer warriors who had come cleanse the matrimonial home. 

They welcomed him with a round of prayer against evil spirits of admiring anything that walks in a skirt. The final demand startled him completely. Hands akimbo she demanded a gift, something that moves zero to 100 very fast.

Nduta was tired of walking. Her weight made breathing a real struggle. Chairman had a solution, which would put everything to perspective. 

He wanted the women to know he was a fixer who got things done. He bought the gift and had it delivered when the other women were around.

Excited Nduta and her cabal received the box, unwrapped it but to their surprise, what they found was totally unexpected. Several hours later, chairman came home  whistling confidently. 

Nduta and her two sisters whom she had invited, warmly welcomed him, but the water was too warm. He screamed in agony. His scalded groin was painful, but additional blows an sticks made the pain numbing. 





 Nduta shouted,


 “ unanunulia nani scale,

 ya kujipima?”


Chairman in excruciating pain said, 


“ulisema, 

unataka kitu inaenda 

0-100 very fast ukikanyaga?”


Two more blows took him out. He woke up to a familiar voice. She softly asked, 


“Which one of your many wives, 

did this inhumane act 

to you?”

It was the HR Lady, visiting one of her staff, as her job demanded. Staff welfare was her key performance index or KPI in short.

Comments

Post a Comment

Is a pleasure to keep you as my reader entertained. Peace✌️

Popular posts from this blog

Death at a funeral, the interrogation.

-
Image
Continued from..   Death at a funeral I’m no wolverine who could heal quickly from a stab wound so I didn’t want to take my chances with the knife. As the rough and husky man directed me on where to go, I noticed it was like time had stood still, with chaos beautifully painted. I explored my choices on how to get out of this predicament, and boy! They didn’t look at all great, most of them all pointed to one end result, 6ft under. Except one, I was to act a fool. That is what I went with, to buy myself some time to figure how to get out of this ordeal and never have to look over my shoulder or be paranoid when I’m with someone’s daughter wondering, is she the means they have used to get to me?  Ever heard of the Samson and Delilah story? We reach at the car, at the very end of the field. A black Chevy, beautiful with a sleek paint job and design, and the door pops open. “Utleast you idiots have class,” is the last thing I say before I’m roughly shoved in, the rough and husky...
Continue...

Cloud 9 , what's next?

-
Image
Then she melted into the crowd. She took a while then nikacheki kuna dame yuko solo kwa corner nikasema nifike hivyo nimpee company. Huyo dame alinisho anaitwa Alicia.  Kuendelea kubonga nikarealize kumbe alikuwa anaogopa. Alikuwa ametag along na friend yake ndio asiboeke kwa hao akiwa pekee yake.  Nikamweka at ease na convo ingine fiti sana akanijenga no incase tupoteanwe tutafutana then we talked some more then Steph akatokea.  Akacheka then akaniita nimfuate. Madem na wivu bana  😂😂  Steph aliona ana compe.. Mimi huyo nikidhani Steph amepata plug wa sth sth iko na sweet aroma tufike cloud nine nayo.  Kufika to some secluded place anatoa some pills. Kumuuliza ni nini ananichapia ati molly. Akaextend mkono anipitishie nikakataa. “Shauri yako”   akasema then akameza.After a while niliona ameanza kuwa handsy.. “Huyu anataka ku unleash the beast”  Nilijiuliza kimoyomoyo.Kiasi kiasi nacheki mjamaa akikam ile corner tulikuwa. Nikajua baaas.. Huyu ni...
Continue...

Back to the basics.

-
Image
Nimeona picture kwa meme fulani, ikanipeleka tour down memory lane. Many moons ago, nikiwa primary. Nikitaja ilikuwa how many years ago, mtaniona ka mmoja wa wale wahenga mlikuwa mnaandika kwa kwa insha, ati, wahenga hawakupaka mafuta kwa mgongo wa chupa waliponena... 😅😅😅 Kulikuwa na hii stuff ilikuwa primary, ndio ukuwe unaongea kizungu, ulikuwa unakuwa punished psychologically ukiongea na mother tongue, kiswahili or the language of the streets, sheng. Except siku moja yenye mngekuwa exempted kuongea whichever language you fancy. Mental punishment depended on which time era you were in. For yours truly, ilikuwa kuvaa bling bling ya mfupa ingine kubwa. Yours truly, hajaanza kupiga story sahii, like B.I.G. nilikuwa notorious but upande wa kuongea. Hakuna siku nikiwahi kosa kwa list ya noisemakers, na siku sikuwa nimeongea labda nilikuwa mgonjwa. Most people walikuwa wana detest kuvaa hio bling bling, ju ya aibu ilikuwa associated with it, so msee alikuwa anakuwekea mtego, uongee tu l...
Continue...

Miss Anonymous 2

-
Image
  Continued from here-->>  Miss Anonymous Ju ya kuwa street smart kiasi tu, niliweza kutoka kuwa mgeni wa serikali bila kesi kuwa ngori. Vile natoka though, weeeh! Nanuka, niko mchafu, usingizi, kitu nataka ni kufika tu kejani nioge, nipite kwa mathe nikule, nilale. Nafika hivi ploti, watoto wa jirani wakinicheki wanahepa tu wakilia, kwani nakaa mnyama nini? Wamama wa ploti, najua wameshapata story mpya na mimi, but haidhuru, watabonga kisha watalala. Venye nimeshiba, napiga shower nitoe stench na misuli inyooke kidogo kisha nalala. Nastukia mlango inabishwa, kuangalia saa ni saa kumi na moja jioni. Weeh, nimelala kama maiti za pale Chiromo.😅 Kumbe ni arif yangu Timo, na venye nilikuwa nimejitayarisha na maneno nikidhani ni landlord. 😅😅 Namfungulia mlango aingie, but anaingia akiniuliza nimepotelea wapi, ati amekuwa akinitafuta siku kadhaa.  Nikienda kuona venye nitamjibu, ghafla bin vuu, simu inalia. Kuenda kucheki ni nani anapiga, nastukia ni ule Miss Anonymous...
Continue...