Rhumba ya Jirani.

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  It's 11:18, I'm yet to sleep.  Earlier, hapo 6 or 7 pm, jirani karibu animalize na Dojo Maber, playing it over and over again, karibu I head over there, knock on their door, and tell them, hata kama ni kupenda wimbo aje, imetosha sasa.  But ni kama alijua or alisense before niende nimbishie, akachange playlist, akaamua sasa ni ngoma za Sauti Sol back to back. As I'm writing this, ni Insecure by Sauti Sol playing, ma baddies wakising along this part at the top of their voices,  Chini ya maji, si ni machizi Twachunguzana kipolisi And your body is a movie And I hope you feel the same But you're insecure (eeeeeh) Oh my you're insecure (aaaaaah) Oh my you're insecure (eeeeeh) And I'm insecure (aaaaaah) Before like an hour before, nilikuwa niko 50/50, scratch that, nilikuwa nimebakisha kidogo ni gate crush, ju naskia masauti nyororo, niko zile za damn it!  Si nivuke kwa jirani?  Kumbe this is how Fomo feels like? Such a nasty, nasty feeling! Inafanya hadi nakaa...
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Visanga vya Ambrose part 2

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To avoid attracting unnecessary attention, Chairman asked his house girl to accompany him to the car. The HR lady loudly reminded him that the medical cover did not include abortion. 

Chairman replied, 


“you are childless, 

because your womb is a morgue, 

but,

I can donate some kids”


Tears flooded the HR's eyes as she walked away. Chairman disappeared with his young distressed wife. They went to see a doctor at Marie Stopes to establish the cause if missing periods. 

Afterwards, she was shuttled to Busia to wait for matters to calm down. Now he went home to face Nduta and several prayer warriors who had come cleanse the matrimonial home. 

They welcomed him with a round of prayer against evil spirits of admiring anything that walks in a skirt. The final demand startled him completely. Hands akimbo she demanded a gift, something that moves zero to 100 very fast.

Nduta was tired of walking. Her weight made breathing a real struggle. Chairman had a solution, which would put everything to perspective. 

He wanted the women to know he was a fixer who got things done. He bought the gift and had it delivered when the other women were around.

Excited Nduta and her cabal received the box, unwrapped it but to their surprise, what they found was totally unexpected. Several hours later, chairman came home  whistling confidently. 

Nduta and her two sisters whom she had invited, warmly welcomed him, but the water was too warm. He screamed in agony. His scalded groin was painful, but additional blows an sticks made the pain numbing. 





 Nduta shouted,


 “ unanunulia nani scale,

 ya kujipima?”


Chairman in excruciating pain said, 


“ulisema, 

unataka kitu inaenda 

0-100 very fast ukikanyaga?”


Two more blows took him out. He woke up to a familiar voice. She softly asked, 


“Which one of your many wives, 

did this inhumane act 

to you?”

It was the HR Lady, visiting one of her staff, as her job demanded. Staff welfare was her key performance index or KPI in short.

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Is a pleasure to keep you as my reader entertained. Peace✌️

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