Posts

Nòî

-
Image
On another episode of: things that never happened, or did they? Saturday or Sunday, many many many moons ago. I used to go to the bafu na towel pekee always wondering how women always walked around in skirts. So after showering it was free mode mpaka kejani. Kwa buloti, it was a communal bathroom so you had to carry your bucket. Na ukipata mtu yuko ndani, unapanga laini. On this particular day nilikuwa nimechemsha maji niko ready kuingia kwa bafu, jirani beat me to the bathroom by seconds. I left my bucket full of warm water hapo nikiwa frustrated then nikaingia kejani kutime akitoka, naruka ndani. Asubuhi gets chilly so you can't just hang around there waiting ukiwa kifua iko nje, umejifunga towel pekee. Akamaliza nikaskia mlango yake imefunga, nikakimbia bafu fasta fasta maji yangu isipoe, ingepoa ingekuwa balaa. Kumbe she was not yet done, alikua ameacha karai yake na maji hapo ndani arudi kuosha kifuniko. Mimi naye nokatoa hio basin nje nikaingia kwa bafu, this is not ...
Post a Comment
Continue...

Unhinged.

-
Image
  Jana, nilikuwa naskia uzito aisee!  After my team was beaten na banters zikaanza kukuja kukuja kama Kenya's corruption scandals from fans wa other teams wenye walikuwa wamepata a successful hate watch. Ningekuwa mtu wa hasira, nyahunyo ingekuwa acquainted na mgongo za watu kadhaa. I told myself hakuna haja ya kuvurugana na watu, plus kuwa worked up ju ya mpira, most importantly, mpira ya wazungu.  Sahii kuna watu nimemute pale green app hadi my teams next win ndio niwaunmute nikijaribu kuangalia sahii, nitaishiwa pawa ju najua pale ni back to back banters zinaningoja pale ni mzito.  Anyway, it's been a while since I posted a story, so nikasema wacha nitulie nichonge story and it got me down memory lane, there's this saying that old folks( by old folks I mean our parents, uncles, aunties family friends, etc), who used to say, birds of a feather, wakitaka kutetea their point of view in some matters  (Wanted to say a one size fits all,  but was unsure on how...
Post a Comment
Continue...

Butwaa! 2

-
Image
Continuation from Butwaa Any mlevi reading this knows that hio mkojo ndio ime hold back kuzima ziii. So Liz takes her to a nearby washroom, and when she comes back, her legs seem to have forgotten their function, you know, like holding the body weight and supporting locomotion. Miguu zake ziko jelly jelly. So she just says,  "ebu mnishikilie kiasi"  That, my friends, was the last time I saw her standing. Her eyes shut, her mouth failed the speaking test, and she just fell into our hands. Visiting hours zimeisha, amevaa uniform, tuko in a location civilian hawafai kukuwa. Trouble was brewing like the water we just drank. We tell Liz juu pia yeye ako na uniform aende akuje na help as we try to make her vomit and pour water on her. Waapi!  Liz alienda na simu yake and the clothes we had brought. Mpaka leo 11 years later hajawai rudi. We are there for 30 mins and catch the radar: civilians on government land. A whistle is blown, and close to 40 officers ...
Post a Comment
Continue...

Butwaa!

-
Image
   Having friends is great, having stupid friends is better  having diabolical friends? even crazier.                Today I will beat for you hekaya of one of my many bad choices. So Kenya Prisons training takes nine months and there is a mid training visiting and the final graduation known as pass out where the prezo or their mkubwa comes to make lies for promises.  I have a friend called Daudi, who has a girlfriend called Abby, she was the one graduating. Abby has a best friend, Salma, Daudi has a cousin, Daniel, then kuna yours truly. Abby invited Daudi, and Salma. Daudi goes ahead and invites yours truly and Dan. We contacted and met Daudi in tao. We are to meet Salma since hatujuani twende pamoja. My main role in this visit was to prevent the boy from throwing himself in the road and connect to Sayuni, that is if apate serekali imebadilishwa, if you get what I mean. Also to suggest good poisons(liquor), in case things get...
Post a Comment
Continue...

Shimonjero

-
Image
  You know those times unasikia ni kama unachizi? Umepanga vitu zako vizuri, from A-Z then everything decides to go tits up kama mende imededi? So recently I was in such a bubble, naona tu Dim.  Nikasema sitachizi niliona, wacha I go see my hombre, Tommie, pale Kach. It's very peaceful place btw. After the first day, we are beating stories after kumaliza shughuli mbili tatu, nothing major, just enough to feel productive without actually being productive.  Out of nowhere, Tommie leans in like he’s about to reveal state secrets. “Btw nilikuwa na mpango na fulani na yule jirani  nilikuwa nataka tupangane.  Si tufike hivyo?” We pull up to Jirani's compound, and the first thing we see? Two cocks. Full chest out. Feathers flying. Pride on the line. These roosters were not playing. This wasn’t a disagreement, this was generational beef. You could tell one of them had been waiting for this moment since childhood. Jamaa sees us and instead of greeting like a normal human...
Post a Comment
Continue...