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Showing posts from May, 2024

Mapenzi crazy!

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By the way, nishawahi pendwa na wazimu wasee . Not toxic like how some of your partners in some of your relationships are, just somebody's daughter who was mentally ill. Tulieni niwapee story how it all went down. I was coming from Murang'a , nilikuwa nimetoka huko kupiga shughuli mbili tatu, as you know kwa gari kuna wale watu hubebwa mid journey, so sisi hao, tuko Kenol , gari imesimama watu kadhaa wakashuka, conductor yuko nje anaita watu wengine waiingie kwa gari to fill the empty seats.  I have my awesome earphones on, nasikia kuna fracas outside but I mind my shit so I ignore it, ju the last time niliona mtu ameleta kiherehere kwa shughuli haikuwa yake, alistukia amepigwa Kofi , mate ikatoka na curve kama shot ya Messi in his prime. Suddenly, I look up, and a fine gal catches the edge of my sight, eye contact kiasi between me and her and she smiles.  Damn a fine gal like this one? Thank you God! I remove my earphones so I can see her well. I songa songa as she comes an...
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👻Booo! 👻

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   👻 booo! 👻 Ghafla bin vuu,  mvua When boarding this matatu, the tout said to me sweetly  “mrembo, wee kaa starehe hapa kwa kiti yangu, nitakaa mbele.” I think, oh well, why not, how kind sir. I shut my umbrella and get in and he closes the door, again and I think, how chivalrous. Little by little, water starts trickling and then pours on my left side, and now I think, how cunning. The lady infront of me has her umbrella strategically placed to cover her left leg. There's a drenched gentleman at the back who's been yelling profanities I cannot say. Do I say, when it rains it pours.  As the memory played in my head, I realized your life can change in a snap, like Nairobi weather.  Here I was, past the talking stage, in the we doing this stage in a relationship with someone's son. Who I couldn't have met if it wasn't for the cards that had been played by fate that day, the tout offering me his seat, me being drenched by the water trickling in little by li...
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Don't be so hard

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        I know you are all waiting for Hawkers Jameni, the finale to drop, I'll drop it soon after I drop this. I'm writing this on a holiday, reminiscing about my life. I find myself doing that when I am listening to or after I have listened to music.  This is music music, not the kind that the Gen Zs are listening to, kufinish kumallo, and other shenanigans. I ain't hating, just saying, I usually say kila nyani na starehe zake. My life has been about the good, the bad, the ugly, throwing the near-death experiences like seasoning to spice it up just a bit.  The battles I have fought like Jason Statham, some I got my ass handed to me, while other times I unleashed violence I didn't know I had in me on the other attacking party even the devil himself recoiled his tail, poof! out of sight like Manchester United fans after their team gets thrashed mercilessly. Hehe Anyway one thing that stood out, to me, is the way I have been so hard on myself. It's ironic be...
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Hawkers Jameni III

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Under the TV I adorned the biggest boner I have ever seen. It looked like it was supporting the tv on its own, trying to rip off the shorts. Since I was a commando with baggy shorts, it protruded and looked like Pinocchio’s nose after telling several lies. It stood like a jousting lance. Shit!  I froze.  I pressed my thighs together, trying to hold the dingdong back in vain. Shit! What should I do? I panicked and almost threw the TV down.  (I might have dropped it,  but,  with my sperminator  at that angle  it could never have fallen down)  Mohawk had walked two steps ahead of me. He stopped, looked back and asked “Buddy, what is wrong?” “Kuna shida, njoo kidogo,”  When he came near I whispered,  “I have an erection.” He looked beneath the TV and then looked at me, while holding his laughter, he whispered,   “It looks like a rhino’s horn,  it looks angry too,”  After laughing for a while he added,  “I actually have a ...
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